Ending Self-Sabotage patterns with Tonglen Meditation + LOVE

Do you have any self-sabotage patterns that show up in your life?

Perhaps they have been showing up for years and each time they show up again, you beat yourself up with the mantra of: why is this happening to me, again?!

I get it. Yes, I have been there too. And probably every human being.

The thing is, we are here to learn and grow. To grow and learn. And to love and enjoy and recognise ourselves as the powerful creator of our world and our reality. And that’s pretty much it. Which is not to say that that path is a smooth or easy one to follow. Far from it. It is a long and winding path that spirals inwards and outwards, ever onwards and ever deeper.

So you may be at a spiral point where you see that negative pattern coming back, whichever one it is, and it feels like Groundhog Day. Oh shit. Not this f*ing crap again. Not another round of this drama of variation on the theme of i am not good enough or I do not deserve X or Y wonderful thing.

But if you look closely, it is usually different.

For example, you will notice the pattern much earlier than before.

And though you may not be able to stop it from activating and impacting your life and giving you another lesson, it will be much quicker than the last time around, and you will know that things are changing. You will know that next time X button is pushed for you, you will know to respond A instead of your usual Y. You will be able to respond instead of react from unconsciousness, and suddenly, you are free of the pattern, and you graduate to the next level in the game of life.

The question is always how are you relating with the situation. What is the inner dialogue? Are you able to bring a softness into whatever spiral you are in and be gentle and loving with yourself. ‘OK’, you say to self, ‘We have been here before. We have trod in this path, we have seen this eventuate, but this time it is different, my sight is clearer, and I am kinder.’ By activating the we, you activate the consciousness of the witness, who is the impartial observer of your experience. So you become less and less stuck in the I and the me (the ego or small self), and less and less the ‘victim’ of any kind of story. You are just the experiencer; the learner.

This week at Sadhana Studios in Melbourne where I am leading weekly Guided Buddhist Meditations on Saturday evenings (a nice alternative to the pub!), I did the Tibetan Tonglen meditation.

Tonglen meditation is based on the principle of giving and taking or ‘sending and receiving’. You breathe in the suffering of the world, transmuting and transforming it, and you breathe out peace, and joy. This is a great way to work with a personal issue and make it less personal.

So whatever challenge or obstacle you are facing, you recognise that there are countless other living beings also facing the same one, and as you breathe in your own suffering around it, you also breathe in that of all these other beings. Then you transform and transmute, and breathe out peace, joy and compassion for yourself and all other beings. Whatever you are going through, you can take out the ‘me’ and ‘mine’, and you are also able to use it as fuel to enhance the wellbeing of all through your practice.

Whatever pain you have gone through, remember, you are love in action.

Whatever pain you are currently going through, remember, you are love in motion.

Whatever pain you have healed from, remember that love is the healer.

Whatever ache is in your heart, remember softness, compassion, gentleness.

Whatever you feel will never change, remember impermanence, love in transition.

Whoever you want to be but are not there yet, remember future you, loving you from beyond time and space.

Breathe it in, breathe it out, transmute, transcend, alchemise and may all pain be dissolved in light and love.

May all your heartfelt wishes be realised. May you continue to dream your life awake, knowing that every step you take is taking you deeper and closer into the beautiful being that is you. Never abandon yourself, no matter how painful it is, no matter how much you have to cry it out. Remember to be your own best friend. Always, and forever, Namaste.